Fear's descent

I brought in the plate of small crescents -with all kinds of stuffings. There were some of our favorites and they seem to appear on the hall table every afternoon. I bit into a sweet nutty cream one. Marie choose the biggest round biscuit on the plate, as usual. I crossed my legs and sank back into my chair. Marie was sitting at her table, still notating something? I started again, telling her about the night drama.
” I felt like I was out of depths, like there was a first act that I had no inkling about and yet it was confusing. Everyone got scared and there was a shivering , like deep, deep fear that was in everyone. from the moment when the senior scholar talked.” I sipped my hot, citrus, mint tea and wiped corners of my mouth, where the crumbs were dropping on my pants.
” Nothing had changed – the lights were the same, although everything seem dimmer. The air smelled the same -that cool, antiseptic inside smell . Only? Now – there was a fear, coming in, a fear tangible, poking at different places, different members,” ‘ fear descending. There was a fear, not knowing when, where or how Fear’s object would suddenly land. It’s a kind of waiting, a not knowing, not understanding, helpless like boxing a shadow that just moves on its own. ‘ I thought as I chewed the melted cheese in one of the biscuits.
Marie pulled out her case from the pocket of the Desk pad . She began flipping pages and frowning . ” There was Pink stating her complaints and Ginger standing looking at her, but also at the others seated behind her. They were watching the senior gentlemen whom were gesturing and conversing so that nobody could hear.” I tried to describe again. “The whole campus is stocking up for what I wasn’t sure. For how long, the guesses were all across the range. ” I frowned as the cat strolled to the crack in the door. ‘ Should I stop her?’ I thought.
“We were all waiting, only the guys who were the closest to the Black gentleman were rubbing the shoulders of the people in front of them. They had a blank, non-emotional expression but their bodies were straight and stern like they were working at not showing their fear.” Their concern for those in the room, scared me. These guys were the hardy, nonchalant daredevils. Fear seeped into me like a cold, light cape. I chewed on the side of my thumb .
” There is a kind of instability, a unknowing that shifts the community, even those that aren’t hurt.” I looked down at my thumb and shook my hand out. Marie kept make notes and not saying a word . She hadn’t all afternoon, I realized. I felt confused, well, fine, helpless and unsafe? Fear seeps in and doesn’t leave – until?

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