Category: journey

Hypotheses

Since this morning’s class was postponed, I still haven’t heard why. The garden is calling as are the birds. They stay up high but if anyone appears in the upper windows, there is such a quick series of tweets, calls, high pitched wails and back to tweets again and again. The garden walkway was ill kept. Grass and weeds were growing in a motley green, overgrown path. I started pulling the beige, sharp grass, wishing I had a digger tool and garden gloves.
‘ I don’t know what is going on, ‘ yanking on a tough patch lodged in the corner. ‘ I can feel it, walking this morning. The air was warm, flowers smelled springlike, but the fear was there when any other person approached. It was all over the campus. ‘ My thoughts causing me to shiver.
Joy was walking towards the supply shed, pausing and coming over said. ” You have little memory of the times of ill and hurt, the helplessness, the unknown, the unseeable, the indefensible”.
The way she stated it. I found myself wishing I could have my dog to hold on to, right then. I brushed off my scratched knees, ‘ The walkway is going to have to take some time’. I made a mental note.
” the unseeable? like a virus?” I shoved the grass pieces in my pocket. ” No, I don’t understand. What there is to fear.” She stared at me. I brushed off my hands and smiled. Joy’s smile was sad and her eyes were the haunted fear that was all around.
I rubbed my hands on the back of my pants. to get rid of the dirt . I chuckled ” Keep your hands, legs, and face away from other people.!! Don’t get up in their space!” Tears clouded my eyes, but I wiped my eyes with the top of my shirt. Remembering my mother instructions flooded my eyes, then I smiled . ‘How many fall and winters had we heard?’
” Wash your hands, frequently . Sneeze or cough INTO tissues and keep you hands away from your face!” I intoned like my mother, who reminded us all of the things that needed to be done.
Joy smiled, puzzled at my outburst. ” orders? from the plants?”

Sudden Warning

Sipping my tea, I pulled my blanket over my lap and tucked it around my knees, drawing my knees up with my interlaced fingers.
” We were talking about the farms, the towns and the problems people were having now. Then someone said that the places needed more security, the usual cooperation discussion went on. One of the senior scholars started talking about how the issues were SO critical and began sounding so scared. Ginger, all of a sudden, threw a yarn ball towards Pink and hit her. “
Marie stopped writing and glared. “What ?”
“She didn’t mean to, she apologized. She just wanted to hear from someone’s new. She did it so quickly, But” I leaned forward ,” it was somehow different. Frantic, fast ” I steepled my fingers. Marie looked puzzled, and made a scribble on the desk pad underneath her cup.
” But that is just it. The tension tightened. The words took on a submerged anger. Pink wasn’t hit that hard. Ginger was 4-5 ft away, it was a yarn ball.” I tossed an air ball.
” Pink reacted as if the governor had ordered her to leave. The people sitting around weren’t angry, they weren’t standing or yelling in her defense. They were staring at him.” I chewed on my lip. “That is when Ginger threw the yarn ball from her bag, that is when I looked around. They were in fear. Nothing was said but all eyes were hooded, guarded, hesitant .” Scratching my forehead,I brushed hair out of my eyes. “The senior scholar, the black gentleman, was warning, saying that what he had heard was bad, serious, unknown. At the point, when he was sounding scared? He and the other senior were talking together, whispering . “
I reached over and poured myself some tea. Marie leaned back, sipping on her tea cup, watching me.

Bruises fade?

Pink stance drooped and shook her hands which had balled up . ” That is the important question! ” She tucked her head and snuggled back into the group of white haired girls , who moved in closer and protected her . Ginger stood up and reached for a piece of fruit, absentmindedly .
She seemed to have grown old. Her hair had fallen around her pale face. Her forehead was creased deeper than when we had stayed up most of the night, finishing our project several days ago .
She toss the fruit in the air and gasp when the fruit slipped through her fingers and caught on the edge of the table before hitting the floor. Her hands were shoved into the front of her tunic. . ‘ I hadn’t even notice the very large,deep pouch at waist level and going down to the thigh length edge of the tunic? ‘ Such a deep teal color, it looked really good on her.’ I noted to myself. I hunched forward like I was watching– a play, in a close dinner theater . ( only it wasn’t a play and I wasn’t leaving here and driving home.) Sam leaned forward and cocked an eyebrow at me. I quit smiling and leaned back into the cushions.

” I am hurt by my actions in hurting you. It WAS NOT PLANNED. I didn’t – I wasn’t trying to hurt you . My emotions were strong and I wasn’t concentrating on what I should have been. ” Ginger held up her cupped hands, with the ball of yarn . ” The ball was a means of making warmth for cold times, to help others who you want to help. It is not for creating more bruises.” Ginger held out her hands and hugged Pink , trying to keep her balance and not step on girls’ toes.
She nodded at the white haired girls seated there in their green dyed leather pants and jackets. The smiles were small and the eyes were a buttery warmth with broccoli green hues .

Bruises

Photo by Ike louie Natividad on Pexels.com

Ginger pulled the ball up from under the edge of the couch and threw it across , hitting the pink haired gypsy girl. Pink startled and tears gathered.
“I am – I didn’t meant to throw it so hard. I sorry!. ” Sam frowned as did the Parliamentarian . ” I was just trying to hear from someone new!”
The girls who were sitting on the arms of the far couch reached over and patted her . The black gentleman went over -stepping across legs and brushing Pink’s hair, he checked her cheek. ” This is NOT the place in which to invite steam in. Burns are hard to heal. ” He rubbed her chin. ” Actions are hard and words keep living all around us.”
Pink rolled the ball in her hands. She frowned and glanced at all the staring , confused faces. Rubbing her ear, she darted a look at Ginger and at the people behind her. She stood, her forehead all crinkled and her face pale, bruises fading in several spots on her face and neck.
” We have survived and are doing well ,at last but there are others who want to submerged us and control – ” she drew up her shoulders and then dropped them as she squared her head. She met Tom’s, Sam’s and Ginger’s eyes.
” I am not from here, I was NOT INVITED! ” She moisturized her lips and looked at Diamond ” I know nothing about the issues you talk and talk and dislike. I am a Tag!” She rubbed the tight ball of yarn and teared up. ” All this talk! all the pushing and pretending ! ” She faced Diamond. ” All your complaints and disagreements. -” She wiped the tears from her cheeks. ” All the yelling about OTHERS – It’s just heading for the destruction again ! “I was a child , BUT I REMEMBER! ” She skidded the ball across the table at Sam.
She looked at him ” Who brings weapons to a place where middle Hope is? ” She picked up and held her cup against her reddened cheek, bit her lip and shivered.

Time and again

The black gentleman sank his head to his knees, a squeak sounding like the whine of a weapon before it explodes emitted. His voice was the closest to a cry of pain I have ever heard.
“We KNOW HOW THIS ENDS! We all know what will happen again, and again, and again. The arguments, the accusations and THE ATTACKS. ” There will be comments, statements, JUDGEMENTS! from ALL SIDES. !!” he slammed his fists on the table edge, looking up , his voice rose into a cat howl. AT THIS POINT, HE WAS YELLING, he remembered the smoke in the streets, the uniforms and the looks that he got for following her parents.. He had thought there was NO WAY that the mistrust and spike in silence or in yelling and proceeding with the screaming and accompanied paperwork could happen again. THAT was just a one time thing ! Wasn’t it?

There were glances, stiffened backs and people leaning forward rubbing shoulders. Diamond guy huffed and his eyes were glistening with tears. “This is what happens when the over others are more interested in themselves. We have to — ” He paused and looking around frowned. ” They HAVE TO — ? I mean- calm everything down. ” He drank a swig from a tall, curvy, blue pegged bottle, while he looked at everyone gathered in the area and the people gathering down the next level.


Who possesses Hope?

A young man in a blue tartan flannel shirt, a yellow tie and a long robe stood up from one of the back benches. The robe was red with tiny, yellow horses worked into the design . The young man squeezed between the couches . He was a muscular, bearded man with broad girth and a wide nose. The brown eyes were deep pools and his yellow hair was falling down his forehead . He blew it away from his eyes. He picked up Sam’s fuzzy ball, squeezed it and pounced, so much, everyone drew back and some pulled their feet under them . The Scot, I suppose, was not fearful or nor hesitant.
” Our FIRST tall harvest, which we have culled and cared for years. People telling us we were wrong and should just not try. ” He ran his hair back and pinned it with his multicolored cap. His voice accusing everyone as he twisted and turned including all the people here.
” We figured out how to grow and clean up and how to save our own. WE DID, when nobody,” — he paused and nodded to Ginger.” ALMOST nobody gave us any chance! ” He tossed the string in its tangled mess and caught it like pizza dough. ” Then you people show up and demand that we give you parts!!”
He glared at Sam and Diamond, his muscles were so tight that I could see the tendons in his face. He stared at the Black Gentleman, turning his back on the larger audience. “You marched and demanded to see the Cite. Of course, we are protective, we have had it with the hand-outs and the making leftovers work. ” He was winding the yarn in a unstructured way, while his voice filled the halls. The yarn began to appear similar to a bird nest. “We did something that nobody could do.”
He turned and glanced down at me. His frown deepening and the ball yarn irritating my nose. I brush it aside and glared back. ” Now, you wanted us here to talk about joint issues and protections.” He stopped , grasping the ball , fingers wound through the mess. He nodded his head . ” Very sound. . We need supplies and merchanters ”
He had been winding the yarn ball without looking at it. Many people seemed intent on watching, barely breathing, It was tight and loose, at the same time, almost as if the yarn was obeying his fingers. ” I haven’t heard a block or support about anything worthwhile. Just usual lies!. ”
At least I think that is what he is saying. I couldn’t make out what he warns or means?’ I thought, ‘his voice was so fierce, almost malevolent.’
The Black gentleman looked at him. ” A lot of research was done for you. We haven’t threatened your people. You could – ” He paused as the Scot looked down at him. Sam started to speak, but a frown from the black gentleman caused Sam to sink back into the loveseat, holding Sherriel’s hand.

Past troubles?

“There have been heartaches. There are places where we believed we were trapped and forced to endure because the systems were crumbling”. The black gentleman’s eyes glazed over. The pain in his eyes I had seen on too many people in the hallways here.
” What could happen to engrave that deep pain in so many different people ?” I thought again. Nobody could explain it and I couldn’t go with that. Science didn’t allow for such questions to exist without being challenged, as my Dad would preach to many of his students.
From the edge of the small loveseat, Sam started talking , fingering the string that was dangling from a hand . The black gentleman handed the string ball to him. Sam had been quiet and I thought he was studying, vaguely listening to the discussion around him. He often did that. Now he leaned forward and stared at the people across on the other couch.
” We have been doing this for years. Your town doesn’t like strangers , mine doesn’t like it either . ” His chin raised up and stated his facts. I knew that stance and leaned back.
“None of us want strange people coming in and telling us what to do!” Sam pointed the string ball to everyone . A group standing in the hallway stopped and stared. The ball seemed to tease them. A few walked forward and leaned on the backs of the chairs. ” We think we know all. We figured out a lot of orders for ourselves. BUT”—-
He tossed to ball in the air, causing the string to unravel and fall on the heads of the girls sitting with Ginger. He grinned and handed the ball to the nearest girl.
” But there are plenty of people in all of our places that disagree with different ideas! People who will yell to all that only your group or my group is solely “– Sam drew in a breath and let in out slow and easy. ” heaven sent with no forthcomings or judgements needed. The people who will condemn anyone who don’t buckle before THEIR speaker. ” He looked around and smiled, but it was that haunted smile that paired with the pain in the eyes.
“We have more problems and yes, more workable ideas, this year than any in many a day.” Two of the grey suited with their long tunics and their sashes tight across their middle, rolled their eyes and left.
” The trouble is starting up. There were attacks on a number of lands, recently. The agreements are not being done . ” Ginger’s friend yelled out.
Sam raised both his hands up “We all NEED HELP, AND trade or just” his eyes now gleaming , ” new people with new tiers and books to mix up. New ways to fix illness or repair damages with new material? We can’t quit, not when we are seeing hope and good stuff coming .” Sam sounded more pleading and desperate than when he wanted help studying for the medicinal tests. Silly comparison. I thought . What was happening, now? I was wondering and uncertain again.

Waves

I glanced and felt the anger, resentment, the suspicions rising and the change in this “study group” . I had been around them, I had lunch and classes with many of them. Sam, Sherriel, Ginger are my friends, I liked them and they liked me. But this?!
I caught the Parliamentarian picking up the paper ball from the floor and shoving it into his pocket. The pain was engraved in his expression as he watched the dissolution of order. He walked away like an old seaman who was worn and tired from too many times on unstable decks.
” I don’t get it! Maybe because I am new and from the fringe.”
I frowned and was soaked in the fear, resentment and confusion. I was so far on the outside.( although Joy told me I was too far IN the padding). I looked around at the people packing up and Diamond trying to disappear into the folds of the couch.
” What is going on? Not just in the History study discussion group.! BUT HERE FOR DAYS.” I asked The black gentleman, Diamond and turning asked Sam, Sam was looking down the hallway. ” I CAN’T SEE WHAT THE –?” I couldn’t even figure out WHAT to call IT. My exasperation showed as I raised up on the stool beside the couch, so I could see the people walking behind me.
The black gentleman sat down and leaned forward, his elbows digging into the top of his knees. He still looked morose and his voice was husky. People sat down and settled in close to each other , to listen .
” Recent –history is here – its effect is showing through all of us, even if we don’t see it. We have pain, anger, resentment, frustration and possessiveness. When it becomes my village’s freedom to choose and your villages’ freedoms, everything becomes suspicious and questionable. Protection and fear overshadowing all the NEEDS . We don’t even talk or research in joint ways. The Government.” He glanced over at Diamond ” Governments’ officers can’t or won’t talk to people . They try-”
Diamond piped in to interrupt, his voice squeaking . ” too selfish, too dark, too concerned with making work for itself! The merchants charge anything and leave us all hanging and in need. None of us have enough to pay them!” His knees bouncing, casting lights that wriggle over the tabletop. One of the girls whispered in his ear and gave him a smile and a peck. He smirked and leaned back, tossing a wadded up ball of string?
The black gentlemen chuckled and caught the string ball.

A slice of Peace attempted

Ginger lady ignore the ball by her foot and smiled at me. She stood.
Parlimentarian interrupted. “She has to be recognized.” His eyebrows raised, his auburn skin darkening. ( it was rather fascinating, to watch).
I cleared my throat. ” “Look, nobody else has waited to be recognized”. I warbled. Anger cracking my voice. ‘ he was really getting on my nerves,’- I thought.
Sam put out his hand and stood. He was looking at me with a slight shake and a pointed crease between his dark eyes, so unreadable, and the eyebrows so pointed, a whole lecture in themselves.

Everyone looked at Sam, who held up his hands and then lowered them down to his sides. Ginger nodded ” Thank you.” She surveyed all of us, especially those who were talking among themselves.
” This! – she spread her fingers wide and shook her head . Drawing in a breath, she blew out slowly, The ginger girl bit her upper lip and started saying ” We are all in joint rooms and we are not talking still. !” The diamond guy sat back and so did the girls. His girls? The others on the green bench turned and talked to each other.
Ginger tried again. ” We all come from areas of our own voice and ways . That is important but we have to not condemn others or ourselves– ” She folded her arms around her back, and met the eyes of the guys sitting in the brown leather side chairs.
A guy in black and white vest, jacket and grey pants leaned forward and drowned her out. His face and hands were light cream with red patches. He reminded me of a panda. I couldn’t help cracking a half smile. .even though I bit the inside of my mouth to stop it.
The Panda said even louder. ” We all know what you are doing?” He blew his nose into a napkin and squeezed his reddened nose . ” Poor, pititful us, life is hard! We have so much difficulties.” He spread his fingers wide and shook his head. “So unfair, for others to have a lot and we are so-o struggling .” He raised up his hands and twisted .”So therefore, Giver, Giver, and givest more- you have it and we want more.” He blew his nose into a napkin and smirk. ” that is why you, all of you, are here ” WE work ! don’t want to make hard, yourselves.”
Ginger rocked on her heels . She had heard it before and for years. Coughing and shuffling of papers from the chairs and people propped up against the couches caught her attention. ‘ We are trying hard to get together.’ “Don’t blow it now.” she murmured and the nearest guys looked at her. Fear?

Trusty Ball

There was a group sitting in padded chairs and sofas, in the gather area. I stood on the edge of the area. The guys were tossing a paper ball across the piled up coffee table, they looked like collapsed camels with their legs folded under them. Books and binders were taking up as much space as the people . Walking by,she noticed that there was a chestnut brown girl who was crying and writing as fast as she could.
Focusing on the discussion, she heard anger and energy bouncing as much as the paper ball was being tossed . Catching the ball, her friend, Sam glared around the group. ” they will SAY ANYTHING, anything to keep their influence! They are no different from the guys that expanded the war! ”
Sandy grabbled with the clasp on her binder. ” Some of the ideas ARE WORTH TALKING about!” She yanked on the binder. It yielded and she pulled a folder out. ” The forests are growing and the ground is less moist, Michael Lewis studied the crops, and found that the yield is ten times what it was in years past!”
A wheat colored hair, chunky guy tossed the ball in the air while he spoke. ” What is not discussed are the reasons why-? The science programs that are not disclosed. The money that has gone into the treasury and disappeared. What have they done with it? ” Another ball was thrown at the guy, the balls collided and dropped.
” What trust can be put in the facts reported,? What facts are actual and what is just cobbled together and put forth?” One of the guys who was munching on straws in his mouth, questioned.
The Ginger girl with her brown eyes blazing. ” Trust! what is that ? Facts! what are they?” They destroyed anything! They destroyed any chance at independence!”
The girl who had joined them for snacks the previous week and was always drawing while they all talked, put down her wired drawing book “Do you want to travel and make notes of the events and grounds yourself ? If we are all doing research alone, What then? Tell other people what you found out? THEN trust each other? Besides, being exhausted, and having lots of the same info, who is going to put actions into making the problems and matters straighten out? At some point the material is brought together and the issues are going to be highlighted. Do you think all of us have enough time to verify and do anything else?” She picked up the ball, colored on it, and then batted it.
The Ball went way up. Sam stood up and reached for it. ” After all the observations, and discussions – THEN?! Who can do the work? Each class, each research team? The group down in the courtyard? Nothing gets completed because we argue and point at the other people and they at other people, too “. Sam rolled the ball in his hands.” We have been divided for so long.” He cupped the ball with the palms of his hands . ” As long as we are divided and not listening nor working together,- THE POWER PEOPLE- who are making their way- the ONLY WAY, will be very happy. How much pain and hurt stands up and blocks everything!?” He pitched the ball and swatted it.